Breaking up can be hard to do.
So Reddit user Robert Scucci (a.k.a. Mastrrbasser) decided the best way to end his (contractual) relationship with Planet Fitness gym was by penning a heartfelt note:
“It is with deep regret, and a heavy heart that I write this letter,” wrote Scucci, who no longer needed his gym membership after moving out of state from Milford, Connecticut, to Nashville, Tennessee.
“Certain events in my life have put me in a different place, and while it was one of the more taxing decisions I’ve had to make of late, it is the right one,” he added in the tongue-in-cheek missive, which was shared online Tuesday.
He also went down the “it’s not you, it’s me” route with this line:
“I know I’ve been distant, but it’s because I’ve changed. I have different needs now, and to be frank… you really haven’t changed at all.”
And there was a fair bit of nostalgia, too:
“I still think fondly of you, and the time we spent together as I drive by one of your many locations. Sometimes, when I’m alone, I even throw on one of my old ‘power-pop workout’ playlists and feel the rush of our past course through me as if we were still one.”
But if Planet Fitness thought it still had a chance of fixing the relationship, he delivered a killer blow with the postscript declaring that his wife “also needs to cancel her membership.”
Scucci wrote the letter because “Planet Fitness wouldn’t let me cancel over the phone” and he had to do it “either in person or with a cancellation letter sent via certified mail,” he told HuffPost on Thursday.
″(I) figured I’d have fun with it because you can either get really mad at something like this or just waste somebody’s time by sending them something official that they then have to take seriously,” he added.